I’ve always known I’ve had a problem – I don’t give a f*ck. Now, that may be good or bad, depending on the context or situation, of course. Not that I don’t care about anything, far from it. It’s just that when I tire of something or, closer to home – someone, I don’t spend time thinking about how I could get things back the way they used to be. That right there is sometimes a serious, serious handicap, especially in past dealings with people. Best believe I lost the majority of previous female friends due to this trait – I wouldn’t try and work things out.
Thing is, I have a low threshold for bullsh*t. If someone’s trippin’ over something trivial, that’s a major turn-off for me. I understand that men & women seldom see eye to eye on a lot of things and I never forget that. Like, I sometimes did things that’d piss my girl off and I’d have no idea it was because of me, but I was always one to try and understand why she’d be pissed off so we’d talk about it, then it’d be all good. But if she’d start trippin’ over little things like why some girl txt-ed me in the middle of the night or want to go through my phone I’d be far from thrilled. After all, it’s not like I have control over who calls or texts me, right? Besides, I’ve never worried about who texts or calls my girl, ever. Don’t get me wrong – I might wonder about it, but it’s really none of my business, and I’d hate it if she did that to me, so I never ask to flip through her phone. Plus, if she was creeping, going through her phone wouldn’t solve that problem.
But with one particular girl, I always try to patch things up. It gnaws at me when we disagree. For whatever reason I always want her to be cool with me. But that’s another story.
[Got a little sidetracked there]
What I’m really talking about tho is that I might’ve lost a good friend lately. We’ve been friends a long time, but they started trippin’ over something that’s so unbelievably trivial you wouldn’t believe. What’s more, what this person was trippin’ about had little to do with me; it was mostly about a mutual friend. But it was such a turn-off for me that I suddenly didn’t wanna hang around them no more.
I don’t know about you, but friendship to me is unconditional – within reason, of course. Say I need a ride to, for instance, Nakuru, and asked my friend to take me there and they did. Cool. Then, a few months later, same dude needed to borrow my laptop coz theirs was down, so I lent it to them. Cool. A few weeks later, say he needed help re-painting his living room and asked me to help him out. Feigning reluctance, I’d ask him whether I really had to do it, all the while knowing fully well I’d have no problem doing it. After all, we’re boys, right? But then he tells me not to worry about it; he wasn’t gonna need my help after all. Alright, cool.
Some days later he calls, expressing displeasure at my not helping with the painting that one day. What?! He told me he wasn’t gonna need my help! Then he goes on talking about how it seemed to him like I didn’t wanna do it, and that after all he’d done for me I should’ve been there. What's worse, he gives me the cold shoulder for weeks & doesn’t wanna talk about it to squash the beef. WTF?
To me, in friendship you shouldn’t keep a tally of who’s done what for whom, unless it’s grossly one-sided, coz all some people wanna do is only holla at their ‘friends’ when they need favors. As far as I’m concerned, my friends don’t owe me anything. I don’t care what it is, but I’d never demand or expect that my friends do something for me. I’d ask, even cajole, but never would I question their loyalty or write them off if they couldn’t do it; that would be incredibly self-centered. The world doesn't revolve around me and what people should do for me.
Or this, true story: One time this chick called me and I missed the call. Then she called me a few hours later and left a message, talking about:
You didn’t pick up the phone when I needed you, so this is just to tell you that you don’t need to call me back, since I already took care of what I was calling you for.
That was some funny sh*t to me; was in stitches over that one. The nerve! And I was supposed to call back & apologize profusely? Puh-lease!
And that’s how it is in a nutshell, ladies & gentlemen. After observing this very juvenile drama, I suddenly felt like I had nothing to say to my friend. Am I wrong?
Either way, I don’t give a f*ck.