Someone should write a paper about this, if they haven’t already – about School Attendance Psychology. Why is it that, when not in school, most yearn to be back and when in school, wish they weren’t? I’ll never understand it, but it happens to me all the time. School started off with a bang this Monday and already I’m a little out of it. But what to do.
And speaking of school, my lil’ cousin went back to hers last week, so I went to see her before she left. Now, this girl has a larger-than-life personality, the type who, on entering a room, makes you feel like 5 others rolled in with her.
Anyway, over dinner, she was telling us about some of the people she goes to school with. Now, her school’s somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Southwest Virginia but, would you know it, there are a good number of Kenyans out there. [Hot damn, we’re everywhere!] Apparently the Kenyan dudes there have an infamous repertoire for preying on any new Kenyan chick; think vultures swooping in on gutted carcass. It was uncomfortably reminiscent of my earlier college days, but she thankfully just skimmed over the topic.
But then she talked about a pair of very interesting students – conjoined twins. [Omphalopagus] They’re girls, about 20 years old, and lead the most amazing lives. Apparently they’re remarkably upbeat, the liveliest and noisiest on campus. They have totally different personalities, are [both] Christian, are engaged in numerous social activities, talk about men like any other girls would and would even like to get married someday. They don’t blame any Higher Power for their condition as most would be inclined to do, but instead thank That Power for their uniqueness. Remarkable, to say the least.
Most interesting tho is their great sense of humor. They make all sorts of unapologetic jokes about their condition. Let’s see whether I can remember some of them.
Either one would throw a spitball at the teacher. Furious, the teacher would glare at them and one would say:
“She did it.”
“I need to go to the bathroom,” one would say.
The other would be like: “I know.”
[To the school counselor]
“Umm, do we pay tuition for one or two?”
Banging their knee on a table-leg, one would immediately be like: “Oww!”
“Watch where you’re going!” the other would retort.
There were lots more quips but those are the only ones I remember, but I was more than a little touched by the story.
And you know what, I really ain't got sh*t to complain about.
**Apparently I didn't explain well enough - they aren't true Omphalopagus; they're only fused chest down and have one pair of arms and legs, not two. See for yourself. Meet Abby & Brittany.