I was taking a long walk around the park after dark, as Jill Scott would say, when I finally got it:
I like too many people, and never get with any of them.
Then I walked some more and thought about more stuff:
Closure is great. I'm finally over someone, a virtual thorn that's been in my backside for like 2 years. Met up, by pure coincidence, like a month ago, and by the end of the night when I had to get back home, I didn't feel a thing toward her. I still don't. Whew, now I can move on.
I met 3 separate girls when they were very young. Then I met them again much later, and damned if they haven't transformed into real dime-pieces, all three. I kid not. [One of them though is like a fortress: moat, high walls, shards of glass atop those walls, sentries, Dobermans... - the works.] They're all grown up now, well past legal & all, but I feel like a perv when I start thinking dirty thoughts about them. My boy's like: Hey, the grass is green, so play ball. Easy for him to say.
I think I like some girl primarily because she's fine. Does that justify my liking her? Isn't that akin to treasuring some empty, bejeweled vase, only to have it fall to the floor and shatter, rendering it worthless? I really like this vase tho. Plus, I'm starting to see that it's got lots of stuff in it, and isn't as brittle as it first seemed.
The Man Upstairs really has my best interests at heart. I remember one time pleading with him, like: Please, please let me give myself to her. She likes me, I like her, so why am I holding back? He didn't say anything, but He did something - the girl & I drifted apart. Let's just say I'm glad we did.
Ever tried to holla at sisters - or cousins - at the same time? Don't. Did that once or twice, and lost them both. Yes, I was an idiot when I was younger.
I thought I liked PDA, and I do, but only just.
I'm not the most likeable cat in the world, but how can I get someone to not like me? Some people seem to pull it off with no trouble at all. Not I. I can't be a complete jackass to a woman, though I can easily get halfway there.
In the same breath, why aren't most of the girls I really like accessible? Drives a negro crazy. But then again, I seldom know what's good or bad for me, so I leave it to The Man to do that for me.
And this is where the long walk around the park after dark ended.