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Laid back; chilled out.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


I don’t understand it. I just don’t.

I think I’m sometimes a real dummy when it comes to relating with women. Not that I get tongue-tied with them; if anything I’m more expressive than I’ve ever been. Not that I’m disrespectful – far from it. Not that women don’t like me, or I them. Maybe I might be overconfident, or not confident enough? Neither, I don’t think.

So what’s the problem? Let’s see if I can rationalize my way through this one:

Well, I [try and] keep away from casual sex, especially because I’m hopelessly attracted to badass girls, the type that can hang with the fellas and punch you in the face if you messed with them. As interesting as that might sound, it’s a little overboard for me right now. Some form of stability can be a good thing - a little less belligerence, a little less drama.

I’ve encountered rare ‘specimens’ over the past couple of years, women who have their heads screwed on right as in smart, funny, ambitious, who are tired of the chase – all that good stuff. It’s usually great for a little while, but then it’s downhill all the way from then on.

And why? Because I’m ice-cold. My heart might as well be hewn from a chunk of arctic ice. It’s probably from all those years of shutting feelings out and building walls up. It was easy putting them up, but it’s hell tearing them back down. But I’m getting a little better, I’d like to think. Matter of fact, I feel just like Musiq in his ‘TeachMe’ joint.

And now, off to fan some dying embers, hoping there’ll soon be some sort of flicker.


Farmgal said...

Of putting walls ups, I could tell you a story but its too long! All the best in bringing them down.
kwani cupid is around your area?

>d® said...

lol! Even if Cupid were around, his darts probably couldn't penetrate my armor!

muthii fulani said...

dude, i was there for a while, bounced back and apart from some speedbumps here and there, as for now its smooooth sailing pedal to the metal! :o)

sunnykay9 said...

suit up dude!( see 'How I Met Your Mother') If you want to be taught, you have to want to break some things down for yourself...i tried to break some ice walls and ended up with jagged scars. So if you want to be the 'Teach Me'man, find a patient teacher.

>d® said...

>Muthii: Speedbumps is right, coz that's exactly how it is - throws everyone off their rocker. I mean, seat.

Good it worked out for you tho.

>Sunnykay9: 'How I Met Your Mother,' huh? Sounds interesting. [Checked out its official site; that Hot & Crazy graph is pretty funny]

Patient teacher? Isn't that synonymous with control freak? lol!

D said...

lol @ all comments esp ur armor one. Man up Leonidas n for once, let that shield down. So, u have a "wall of china"...is that it? Can't say i disagree, but i do feel u on that. From my end, i totally agree that u gotta want it to come down, tho don't let it down all at once, cuz (trust me on this) whoever is lucky and powerful enough to knock it down could also steamroll right thru u n wats left of ur emotions. N u know the situation i'm talkin bout.

Ditto @ getting tired of the chase....PREACH

>d® said...

Nuggets of wisdom right there, I must admit. And yeah, I need to take those walls down & get rid of the guards and the Rottweilers while I'm at it! lol!

And that goes for you too.

D said...

I did my part...it was down for a limited time only....

>d® said...

Down for a limited time only, huh? Kitchen open for business?

gishungwa said...

"so i placed my heart under lock and key" says it best its finding the key. i have major issues with vulnerability so i guess i should also look for someone to look that teacher.
Great post and the comments too.

>d® said...

Yup, trusting someone with one's emotions is the hardest part, no doubt.
And, like someone said, trust is earned, not given.

"G" said...

"Better never than late" someone said.

We all have walls making a maze out of our lives - let not one person tell u 'I am an open book' and then u have to find a reference in a page that hasnt been bookmarked for u. U gotta read the whole book to know what the heck makes one tick - so if u running, well, u better get shares in NIKE (and in my warped sense of humour: there is the 'Just do it' ..er... well.. that just kinda sorts that one out.))

mona said...

OMG, ur statement was so true.its so easy to put those walls up,, for years on end, but tearing them back down, its hard.im suffering from that right now.trying to tear them, down, but its not easy.
now i think i cant grab happiness, ill let it just slip through my fi ngers on purpose.
great post