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Laid back; chilled out.

Sunday, June 17, 2007


Alright, here's a narration of sorts, courtesy of my newest toy. I got it out of necessity, really. [Dishwasher, shush] I desperately needed to resist getting an iPod, as brilliant a device as it is, and this phone was the answer. As far as features go, compared to my trusty old Motorola, it's like a burrito from Chipotle versus one from Taco Bell, for real.

Time really flies. I can't believe my favorite 5-year-old is... well, 5 years old.

Not only that, but my lil' cousin is done with high school! Though the graduation ceremony was at like 7pm, [and it was raining bullets the entire time] I took the whole day off work - and school. She's all grown up now and [sadly] beyond my control. Why am I so protective of her? It surprises even me.

I'd love to front like I did it, but someone else beat this cube, and I thought it was damn near impossible. Ura and Ms. Gangsta could do 2 colors, which is way beyond my intellectual capacity to do, but Mbuyu did it in a couple of hours, literally! Dude, it takes me days to do just one color! Which goes to show that contrary to whatever my friends might think, I'm not one of the smartest people they know.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: F*ck the police. No, let me rephrase that: F*ck the profiling police. Allow me to explain:

I leave work Fridays at about 1pm, but this past weekend I left at like 6:30. I went home, took a nap and woke up at like 10pm, intending to study for mid-terms this week. [Wish me luck] My Engines class rocks, though. Hows about messing around with this old push-rod V8?

Stayed up till like 5am Saturday; couldn't sleep, which follows that I slept till 2pm. I had to get to Pennsylvania, [PA] some 3 hours away, by 6pm, and I was frantic about it but managed to leave the house by 3.
No sooner had I left than the Slo-Z started acting up, making funny noises. Great, just great. I had to get to PA though, so I drove that mofo like I stole it. Thank God it held up.

I had just entered Fairfax County from my native Prince William when I looked in the rearview and felt my heart sink at the familiar blue and red flashes, this time from an FCPD motorcycle cop. I'm damn near a pro at the procedure so I pulled over, put the hazards on, made sure my hands were in plain view, blahzeh blahzeh. [Memo: see Incarcerations.] The Fairfax County cop leisurely strolled to my window, asked for the license and registration and strolled back to the bike. 15 or so minutes later he came back and and was like:
"Sir, did you know your muffler is illegal in the County of Fairfax?" I inwardly groaned.

"Sir," I retorted. "I specifically made sure it was DOT approved when I got it."
"It may be DOT approved but illegal in Fairfax County," he was quick to say. Somehow it sounded rehearsed. Eventually he let me go with a warning.

Slightly peeved from the encounter, I mashed in the Slo-Z's throttle a little harder, but let up quite a bit when I passed a familiar-looking vehicle, a sight-for-sore-eyes [not] Virginia State Troopers vehicle.

No sooner had I passed the vehicle than dude, seeing El Negro behind the wheel, stayed plastered to my rear bumper. Since I'm rather used to such pointless shadowing, I cruised along acting all nonchalant, arm outside the window, seemingly enjoying the summer air. After 5 or so minutes of this torture, dude apparently gave up and went to pass me when, suddenly, he slid back around me and turned his lights on! Muttering curses under my breath, I pulled over and made it do what it do, played it by the book when, predictably, he asked for my - you guessed it - license and registration. After scrutinizing both he was like:
"Sir, I noticed your windshield has a crack in it." [No kidding] "When did it break?"

"About a week ago," I replied, knowing full well it was like 3-4 months since it broke. And he knew it. [Notice point of impact - a rock blew off a truck in front of me.]
"Well," he added. "Regardless of whether it was 2 weeks or 2 months ago, you need to fix that. Safety reasons."

A windshield doesn't shatter, and he knew that, but I endured his monologue about windshield concerns, up to when he said:

"Well, I'll let you off with a warning this time. And did you know your muffler is illegal in Fairfax
Ladies and gentlemen, I almost lost it there and then. How long do I gotta hear about this doggone muffler? How about I chop it off and have the Slo-Z loud as hell? How about that?!
Eventually he too let me go, amid warnings to rectify those grave safety concerns. Whatever, dude.

Did you see that though? He looked up my papers, and I was a straight arrow. Then he found the perfect excuse when he saw the all-too-conspicuous crack on the windshield. C'mon, Trooper. Might as well bellow at me through the megaphone and say something like:
"You, young[ish] looking black dude in the sport compact, pull your ass over to the side, now!!"

After that ridiculous encounter, and with yours truly literally steaming with indignation, I pushed the limping Slo-Z to triple digits en route to PA. A few miles before my destination, I stopped at a light and noticed this one pillar with all sorts of stickers on it:

See the one at the very top? Hilarious. Well, this part is what caught my eye, and right they are.

Arrived at PA with no further brushes with the law, though the rest of the weekend blew by in a flurry of activity. I had no time to spare, and I feel especially rotten that I didn't get to do things I'd really have wanted to do. I especially didn't even get to talking to someone I've been dying to talk to all week long. Damn.

The sunset, though seen from Maryland's stretch of highway on the nine-five at like 8:30pm on the way back to good ol' VA, made life seem a little better.

Have a blessed week, y'all.


Anonymous said...

All the best with your mid terms.
When I saw the cop motis..thought to myself, NOT again!
Glad hakuna jail stints this time.
Have a blessed week too!

|d®| said...

Wsup girl. Nah, I'm a good boy these days. I try to be, anyway!

Thanks for wishing me luck; I sooo need it!

phassie said...

On my way to work one sunny morning, I was pulled over for some sh**. The cop did not even give me the reason I was pulled over, but when she came back she told me my tag light were dim. Seriously. it is 10 freaking o'clock in the morning. I was in dismay. Seriously.

|d®| said...

Dim tag light?! Now I've heard it all!

Kelitu said...

Woi Pole!! I kid you not that being pulled over ish is the worst men. And teh second worst thing is when a cop tails you for like a mile- feels like The great North Road trek- you start to have beads of sweat rolling down your back, your head starts to itch, the song on the cd bores you and you want to change it and the damn phone rings, but your ass is keeping those two hands at "ten to two" coz any slight, quick movements will result in you eating the tarmac faster that you can say "bwana ofisa".
Their mind games are ruthless man!!

Anonymous said...

Good luck on ur exams...mine is today! Ugh...neway, do this, next time ur bored at ur jobo- create a sticker saying "Hey Mr. Ocifer- yes, I'm black, yes I'm drivin a nice car, n YES I KNOW MY MUFFLER IS ILLEGAL IN F-FAX COUNTY, so keep it moving.

U should know all these guys by their names by now. Be like: Hey there Johnny, how's the family...how's Ashley and Jessica...my they grow up fast...

Reminds me of the "Nigga" Family on Chapelle. Do wat u gotta do. Ps. I'm mad bout ur phone....smh!

|d®| said...

>Kels: Funny! Kinda like Super Troopers, the movie. Watched that? Highly recommend it - so stupid!

>D: Sing it out now:
N.I.G., G.A.R.
It's the Niggar family..

I do know some one those punks tho, specifically one local State Trooper who's stopped me twice and what's worse, lives in my neighborhood!