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Laid back; chilled out.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


So, this past Sunday I woke up feeling like the 40-year-old virgin, complete with a full bladder and a woody to match. No surprise there, since I’ve been single for a couple of months now. Well, more like 3 or 4 months. But that’s beside the point.

I woke up surprisingly clear-headed, despite the libations from the night before. I was in Pennsylvania Saturday night & most of Sunday becoz it was the aforementioned Dishwasher’s birthday. We’d been to a bona fide Latino club Saturday night and I’ll tell you what, that spot was off the chain. As in we were the only blacks there & everyone spoke Spanish except the bartenders, of course. I was frontin’ like I was fluent in Spanish coz everyone in there wanted to talk, but it was easy to do so coz everyone in there was bent, as cheap as the alcohol was, so all I said was si to whatever they said and it was all good. What really drove us there was the mamis, naturally. Say what you will, but Latino girls are super sexy. They could be cussing me out, and half the time they are, but it’d still sound sexy.

Got up Sunday and later went to church. [Yes, church, I said. Don’t let my freestyle antics fool you; The Man Upstairs always comes first.] It was my first time there, tho this was my boy Danc’s regular church. They were having a special speaker with a special message that day and I’ll tell you what, I’ll never be the same after that – it was that powerful.

Came back to The Big VA Sunday night and 7am Monday found me stuck in the familiar & annoying DC traffic. Sick of the slow creep on i95, I resigned to the back-roads where traffic was moving, at least. Glancing at the rearview, I noticed a pretty young thing giggling at the sticker on my trunk. I was powerless to resist and decided to show off my kidogo-semi-pro driving skills to the PYT. Approaching a near-90-degree-angle left curve, I downshifted to 2nd and hit the curve doing 60MPH on 3rd gear. Heart racing, I then employed a newly-learned trick, the Scandinavian Flick, and hit the curve drifting sideways, Kumho tires squealing in protest, and for once perfectly executed it.

The PYT pulled up right next to me at the next light, rolled down her window and gestured for me to do the same. I did, and stared into the blue-est eyes I’d ever seen.
“Nice driving back there, cowboy,” she said. [Cowboy?]
“Th... thanks,” I managed to respond.
“See you around,” she said with a lopsided smile. And just like that, she was gone! I tried to but couldn’t catch up - she was driving a tricked-out electric-blue RX7!!

*Sigh* Now that’s a woman after my own heart right there. Needless to say, I’ve been using that same route all week long. I haven’t seen her again tho – damn!

Why can’t I ever find a girl that’s comfortable with me driving fast? It’s not like I’d jeopardize her safety; I’m way better when I’m driving with someone else than by myself anyway. Only one girl never once said anything about my driving, and I appreciate that. Shoot, she’s dozed off once late at night while I was hitting triple digits, switching lanes & sh*t. That’s wsup!

One thing I know tho is that this waking-up-with-a-woody thing is getting real old. Gotta do something about that, and soon.


Princess said...

Too funny Speed Demon!!! Nothing like an awesome sermon!!

Anonymous said...

I just have beef since I wasnt told about the Latin joint. wacha I try and skiza dishwasher and crew to peleka me there soon.

Anonymous said...

Seems you been on the bilas train for a while now huh! you neeed to get off. Fast driving is ok as long as all precautions are taken all the best in meeting this girl again*fingers crossed*

Anonymous said...

I hope you run into her again soon. (Not literally of course). I think age is catching up with me. Employing some old people driving skills nowdays. Not driving as fast as I used to, just do what is called brisk driving. Keeping to the speed limits and breaking them when it is safe and prudent to do so. It's true that I also drive faster when alone in the car.

Bilas train getting a little too hot 'cowboy'? Heh heh!

Rista said...

*sigh* my queendom for some morning wood...

Anonymous said...

Have you sorted the 'wood' yet?

Anonymous said...

Yeah I'm praying for a sista with a heavy right foot. So we could sort out mudane issues like who takes to pick up the mail and take out the trash by drag racing real quick down the street.

|d®| said...

>Princess: True that; I like a sermon that leaves me feeling wretched!

>Udi: I'll let those cats know!

>Gish: Thanks; I need all the luck I can get!

>Aegeus: 'Brisk,' huh? Damn - can't do it. I always try to keep to the limit & always fail, so I settle for keeping 15MPH under!

>Rista: LMAO!

>Mocha: Nope, not yet. Can't wait for relief. Or is it release?

>Makanga: Ha ha, great analogy! Hope I find that one!

Anonymous said...

as soon as i stop laughing, I'll let you know wat i think of ur predicament. Hilarious!!!!! (sorry)

Anonymous said...

ps. how much wood can a wood chuck chuck......u know where this is going...mr. woodpecker. lol

egm said...

Pole >d®. Maybe Woody Allen can offer some insights :)

Anonymous said...

Whats up >d -- one of these days

Anonymous said...

Guess what >d? when you find the right girl for u & I know you will, then waking-up-with-a-woody thing won't be a problem.

Have a good weekend!

|d®| said...

>D: How much wood, huh smartass?! :) I could tell you but I might lie. Now, if you really wanted to know.....


>V^6: Wsup playa. I'll holla.

>BET: Well, it had better happen sooner rather than later, if there such a thing as the perfect girl/guy!
Have a good weekend too.

Anonymous said...

Oh trust...i dont want to know. lol. Hope u solved that lil issue tho..seriously...Hugh Heff's got a whole empire dedicated to such predicaments

|d®| said...

No, the issue's not resolved yet, but it's alright. I'm a big boy tho; I'll live.