GULLY

gul·ly
n. pl. gul·lies A deep ditch or channel cut in the earth by running water after a prolonged downpour.
v. gul·lied, gul·ly·ing, gul·lies
v. tr. To wear a deep ditch or channel in.
v. intr. To form a deep ditch or channel.
Perhaps alteration of Middle English golet, throat, channel.

This isn’t exactly the definition I was looking for at dictionary.com but it’ll do. It depicts some semblance of depth and that’s all I needed it to convey. For all y’all loyal performancefirst readers this word might sound familiar coz I used it at least once in previous posts.

Since I’m adult now and past most of the elementary bull$hit there’s a thing or two I’ve learned here and there. The hormonal levels have stabilized somewhat and I can finally use my brain to make some decisions that didn’t exactly rely on deliberation but more on emotion….. or lack thereof. Right after high school I was only concerned about a few things; I’ll try and group them into 3 categories: college, sex & money. [Not in that order] Some years later the concerns evolved somewhat into sex, money & college. [In that order] Some more years later they evolved yet again into women, college & money. [Notice the sex was replaced by women. I’ll explain later.] These days I can sum my concerns up as: women, career, college and money.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that the opposite sex is very much an influence in Yours Truly’s life. This is true for most men, I daresay. Deny it all you want but it’s true. Much, if not most, of what we do has something to do with a woman. That got me thinking: if women have that much influence over me, then I really should take that very seriously. I’ve seen grown men crying, begging and tore up for months on end over their women and I’ll tell you what, it’s a sorry sight. It’s understandable though, coz a woman has the ability to make you the happiest person on earth or the most miserable, all with a few short words. We’ve all heard/used them at some point. Here are a few examples:

- Let’s just be friends

- It’s not you, it’s me

- I love you too much to be with you

- We seem to be headed in opposite directions

- I like you but I don’t love you

- [a variation of the previous one] I love you as a friend but nothing more

- [or better yet] I love you but I’m not in love with you

Fellas, I know you’ve heard or administered some of those lines and we all know, male or female, that they’re total bull$hit. If you ever hear any of these, the other party doesn’t wanna be with you, end of story. Pucker up and move on.

The transformation from sex to women as a priority was nothing short of revolutionary. Sex is only sex. If you take the time to know who you’re messing with the experience is a whole lot different, a whole lot better. It’s a lot more ‘gully’ being with someone I’ve known for some time than someone I just met, that’s faw shaw.

Which brings me back to the gully issue. After twenty-something years of existence I’ve finally had a breakthrough where the opposite sex is concerned:

I need me a girl that’s gully.

*This is a dedication to The One Girl. She who thinks I’m the best thing that ever happened to her. She who laughs at all my stupid jokes. She who doesn’t trip when I’m out with the boys. She who’s down for whatever, whenever, however. She who knows that I can be a lying, cheating bastard but who doesn’t trip coz she knows I’d never cheat on her with another chick and who also absolutely loves >d2, ha ha! She who trusts me, but also whom I’ve hurt by being afraid to commit.*

What is ‘gully,’ you ask? Like the definition suggests, gully suggests depth, an infinite space that can accommodate whatever. A girl who’s gully is all that and more, as I will detail. Forgive me for hyphenating points two posts in a row but granted, that’s the easiest way to enforce/reinforce the noteworthy.

- She's confident about herself in anything. I realize there are no absolutes so I will re-phrase this point as such: She’s confident enough in anything; confident in her love/like for me, in my love for her.

- She loves a brother and she’s not afraid to show it. I absolutely love a woman who admits that she’s feeling me. Contrary to popular belief, that doesn’t evoke any cockiness on my part. If anything I like her more.

- She trusts me. This covers so many situations: When I look at another girl she doesn’t trip. When I say I’m going out with the boys I’m REALLY going out with the boys. When I’m away for the weekend she’s secure enough not to wonder if I’ll be ‘sowing my royal oats.’

- She can do OK without me. Despite her affection for me, she’s strong enough to do OK without me if I’m stupid enough to mess up. That’s the kind of woman my crazy ass needs. Keeps me on my toes.

- She recognizes and accepts my imperfections. I like to test the limits of endurance. Not only that, but I constantly live on the edge in so many ways. Please let me do doughnuts in icy roads. It’s fun for me as much as it makes you queasy. Allow me to dance to ‘Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer’ at Walmart even though it’s embarrassing. Don’t trip when I ‘feel up’ the mannequins at Victoria’s Secret.

- She likes me for me, not for who she thinks I could be. At the first sign of a chick trying to change me, I’m out. I have and always will welcome constructive criticism, as everyone should. Tell me I need to change something, I’ll think about it and do it. Try and force things and it’s a wrap. Like, don’t throw away my 5-year-old pair of sneakers; they’re comfortable. I have 2 subs in the trunk because I want it, not because I need it. Even though Maroon 5 might be a band that appeals more to teenage girls I still like them, what. Most of my friends are female. I will not cut them off just because you don’t like it.

Of course there’s much more in between the lines but that’s basically what gully is to me. I’m always open to suggestions, so hit me.