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Laid back; chilled out.

Monday, August 09, 2010


[This is a love letter to my car. I was driving in to work this morning when the inspiration hit me.]


You’re a b*tch. Don’t get me wrong – I mean that in the nicest possible way, coz you’re MY b*tch. You’ve cost me so much money - so many tickets, so much time, gave me so much heartache, but you’re still here.

Not to say you couldn’t have been gone – there were plenty of opportunities for that. When that angry lady in the minivan T-boned you at that intersection, I thought you were done for. When that silly girl dented your door when trying to park, you shrugged it off, albeit several hundred dollars later. Same as that one hit-n-run incident. But I almost lost you for sure when my so-called friend smacked your left against a concrete median at 80MPH. Truth be told, you never quite recovered from that; there’s always something wrong with your front left wheel.

Your temperature control knob doesn’t work anymore, neither does the door to the fuel tank – I have to pry that open. Your paintwork is shot to hell. Your wheels are faded. You creak and rattle something fierce. To top it all off, you’re slow as hell. Wait, what’s that noise? What’s broken now?

But I love you. Yeah, I said it – I do. I know I was afraid to love you for the longest time, for fear you'd be taken from me. But I’m not afraid anymore. It's better to love, even if for a little while.

Every morning I put my key in your ignition, I never have the slightest doubt you’ll start. You always do, except that one morning when your battery called it quits. Of course, I take care of you – always warm you up, lubricate you with Mobil 1, fresh, sticky tires - that kind of thing, but that doesn’t mean sh*t; you can choose not to start. But you always do.

I never abuse you, but you’re always running at 85%-plus, so I’m always surprised when I look down at the odometer and see 173,000 miles. You’ve lasted longer than I ever imagined, but it seems you’re getting even better. Don’t get me wrong - you’re nowhere as fast as I wish you were, but I’m learning that it’s much more fun to drive the hell out of an underpowered car than drive slow in a car with tons of power.

Every time I grab that aluminum shift knob I got you all those years ago, you never cease to send ripples of pleasure up my arm. Every time. Your steering is super-communicative – I can almost feel it when one of your wheels goes over a pebble. I’ve learned how hard you can corner, how quickly you brake, at what rev range you respond the quickest – 3000–5500 RPM. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, after all these years, I think we’ve learned each other, and have gotten used to it.

Don’t be jealous of that pretty Mazda. True, she's a looker. She’s quicker than you in every way, handles better, brakes quicker, all that stuff. She may be better on paper, but I love only you.

Matter of fact, I miss you already. What time do I get off work today? I can’t wait to start you up, roll your windows all the way down while you’re warming up, click the seatbelt in place. In these temperatures I have to wait for your shifter to cool off – it gets unbearably hot. But that’s OK, coz I know all your quirks, all your idiosyncrasies, and I’m perfectly OK with them.

Later on, when we’re cruising home, speakers bumping in the trunk, both hands on the wheel, then we’ll really pillow-talk.


OMG! I can’t b
elieve I’ve actually waxed poetic over a freaking car!

Joint of the day: Gyptian ft Nicki Minaj. This joint is FIRE.


MisterNV aka Cloudvillian aka Disgruntled Baller said...

First off, kindly direct me to any links containing pictures of your whip..I'd like to have a mental image of it while re-reading this(I'm too lazy to look through your blog)
Secondly, as the recently proud owner of the most unreliable piece of junk automobile ever to cruise these here Nai streets, I can identify with this post.

3 thumbs up!

|d®| said...

You got it - I'll do a photo-shoot of the Lancer real soon.

And hang on to your piece of junk if it's got character. That's what really matters right there - character.

And check out Jalopnik.com, an enthusiasts' site for people like us who're stuck with jalopies.

NiKolaS said...

Eh, ok mate. i would do this, but not leave evidence lying about in public like this. SMH.

I have quite similar sentiments for mine cars too, eh but dont tell Estella (Subru) that i still like driving the heck out of the more nimble Mona (Nissan B13) underpowered but she makes up for it in cornering ability, stopping power and most importantly, enthusiasm.

opps. i should delete this, right?

Anonymous said...

Jeez, am jealous! You've never written me a poem, let alone one with great words like this :(.sob...sob.

Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention- am glad that you finally admit to the fact that the mazda is SUPER and faster...gotcha!
Just for the records, i want the lancer to know that i love the mazda...lol...i said the 'l' word too, and i mean it.

|d®| said...

>Nik: I feel you man, fun is everything.
Truth be told tho, my girl's Mazda is hella fun, but I have an emotional emotional to the Mitsu. I guess that's what does it.

>Good God! Could it be? Has my enthusiasm for all things vehicular finally rubbed off on you?!

NiKolaS said...

Oh and by the way you and Anon are soooo cute together. *runs to hide*