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Laid back; chilled out.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


[I've become quite the potty-mouth, but I'm trying to be better, so I'll try and keep this post as profane-free as I possibly can.]

Tonight, I mourn for lost friends everywhere, for anyone. And, more specifically, mine.

What's worse though is that they're still here, alive and well. Losing a friend to death sucks for sure, but the inevitability of death makes us realize they're gone for good and accelerates the 7-stage grief process. But it's worse when they're alive and well, but don't give a damn about you. Right now I'm at... let's see: I'm past Denial, Guilt, Anger, and am now at the Depression stage, I guess.

I'll spare you the sordid details but, in a nutshell, it all started over some really trivial sh... I mean, stuff. That's not the point - a lot of relationships are broken over some unbelievably silly things. Thing is, if the warring parties are truly friends such things are merely bumps that are gotten over in a flash.

Like, I've argued quite violently in the past with some of my friends, but we've always made up in no time. Hmmm, let's see...

[This is an excerpt from a phone conversation]
"F you!" she said.
"F you too!" I said.
"Forget you! Forget about me!" she said.
"Fine!" I said.


"OK, don't forget about me yet," she said.
"I wouldn't," I said.

And that was it - we were friends again. Or how about this other one:

"What the f*** is your problem?!" I said.
"You better get off it or I'll kick your ass!" he said. [He could too]
"You know what, I ain't got time for this
sh*t!" I yelled, and walked out the room.
A minute later I walked back into the room.
"Still on for Happy Hour?" I said.
"Hell yes!" he said.

And that was it.

You see where I'm going with this? That's what friendship is all about. But back to my mourning.

I used to go see my friends once, twice, three times a month [pun intended] over a 10-or-so-year period. How many times did they come to see me during that same period, with the exception of one of them? Once. No, I didn't stutter - once.

And believe it or not, as ludicrous as this may now seem, one of them once expressed their interest in coming over to see me but was unable to - or was unwilling - to expend the energy. So you know what I did? I drove 2 hours, picked them up, brought them back to my house, spent the night, then drove them back the next day. But I didn't mind it. I was just happy that my friend got to see my spot, that's all. But see, that might be my problem right there - I'd do anything for my friends.

But the rest of the story goes like this: I met this person who believed in me, who made me think I was the handsomest, smartest person in the world, with unlimited potential. [Liar! Kidding] This person pushed, encouraged, threatened me to go back to school and work my ass off, and I listened. I went back to school, worked my butt off, and have been doing so ever since. But that meant that I had little or no time to go see my other friends as frequently as I used to, and that escalated the beef I already had with them.

I've been over once or twice [in like 2 years] to see them, but has anyone come over to check on yours truly? Nope. For all they know I could be dead, and I realize now that I'm dead to them. Only one of them checks up on me on the regular, and has always done so. Not only that, but he's driven 3 hours over to come hang out a bunch of times. And for that he's my homie for life. Now that's friendship.

On to Stage 5.


misterNV aka Man-Love (No Ricky Martin) said...

Ah, the double standards! I'm just going to put it out there: female homies can be more trouble-some than male homies. why? Because the female homies have all these expectations they set for you, yet they themselves dont even come close to reciprocating. I hate that! Better off with your boyz (No homo):-)

KK said...

It is sad for sure.... but losing friends is an inevitability in life. If only we could get to choose which ones to keep. On the other hand, friendly people abound and some can become great friends.

la...la said...

It is sad that some friends base friendships on what you can do for them and when you are not doing what it is the expect you to do, then you are not regarded a friend. To me, it all sounds like exploitation! But i guess that in life, we live and learn.

Friends should always be genuinely happy when one is doing much better in his life and should always encourage you to be better.

I guess, at the end of the day- the man upstairs will always be a better friend!!

Anonymous said...

You know what, am guilty of not checking on you. Sorry friend. Here's a hug for you! Still friends? :) Farmgal

|d®| said...

Thank you, for your support/quips. Much love to you all.