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Laid back; chilled out.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Dang, been gone for a minute there. Time flies, for real; it's ridiculous how fast. I can't believe school has already started. WTF? For once I'm not psychologically ready to deal with all the late nights and the homework and all that BS. But then again, am I ever? Guess I just have to gri[mace]n and bear it.

Been trying to keep well away from the boys in blue all this summer; they always are in vull vorce this time of year when it's warm, talking about cracking down on reckless drivers.
[For the record, I'm not reckless, I'm just fast. The cops just don't seem to understand that]
So far, I'm happy to say, I haven't had a single incident with them this summer. [knocking on wood] But a few of my friends haven't been so lucky:

One of them late last year/ealier this year, got his license suspended for a spell. I'll spare you the details, but it had something to do with being late for work, impatience, a schoolbus and county police. Needless to say, add all those together and you get trouble.

Another one, quite the party animal, happened to be leaving a local joint in the wee hours of the morning, after a couple of libations, and finding a roadblock en route to his crib. His blood alcohol level was a single point above the legal limit and as far as he was concerned he was stone cold sober, but that still landed him a DWI. Sucks. As we speak, he's on a suspended license for a spell, has to pay mad $ in fines and has to complete a good number of hours of community service. Youch.

This next one isn't that different but the tale was a lot more - shall we say - colorful:

Dude was at his high school reunion which started early in the afternoon and continued well into the night. The bottles popped off the first minute he stepped in. He encountered one of his former classmates, a girl who had, while in high school, been rather unremarkable-looking but who now was drop-dead gorgeous. [Fellas, can I get a witness?] They'd started talking and had set aflame some [sexual?] embers within. She confessed she'd always had a crush on him and he was finding her more ravishing by the hour. By evening they were pretty much all over each other, swapping spit and sh*t, and he knew, just knew, that he was gonna get lucky that night. So he stopped drinking at about 9pm; not for any reasons pertaining to sobriety, but because she'd [inevitably] invited him to spend the night over at her house and he wanted to be certain about what he was doing. So they left the bash at about midnight headed for her house. He left his whip at a nearby parking lot; the girl was quite out of it and he was comparatively sober so they used her car. He drove.

They were almost at the girl's house when that dreaded spectacle lit up the night right behind them, a soundless cacophony of red, blue and white lights. He pulled over, and as usual five-oh took his sweet time walking over. When he finally did he was like:

"I pulled you over because your left taillight is out. Did you know about that?" My boy shook his head. "Well, you need to get that fixed." He paused. "You guys have a nice night and drive safe."

But before he walked back to his Interceptor, he noticed the girl in the passenger-side seat was knocked the buck out, a dead giveaway, and it all went downhill from there.

Five-oh asked my boy whether he'd been drinking, and dude admitted he'd had 'a couple.' Promptly, he was ushered out the car and was made to perform a sobriety test. You know, the walk-in-a-straight-line count-from-10-backwards kind of thing. He passed, no problem. Unfortunately, the cop also brought out the breathalyzer from his bag of tricks. Dude blew into it and the thing went crazy - he was almost twice over the limit! Ye gads!

He was promptly handcuffed and bundled into the backseat of the Interceptor and sent to County for the night. [The girl was driven home, her whip impounded] I can only imagine how mad at himself he must've been, thinking about how much better the night would've been, while gripping on those iron bars waiting to be bailed out. And you can imagine how much he had to pay and give up after he was out. Sheesh.

Later, he told me that he, for the first time, realized just how powerful the nookie really is. Nothing but truth; people go apesh*t - pillage, overthrow governments, that kind of thing - just to get it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will never [again] drink and drive. I might've done it in the past without any incident but safety reasons aside, that is too much sh*t to deal with for a few lousy drinks.


Hip-Hop verse of the day:

The power of the p-*-s-s-y
That's why every motherf*cka in the world dress fly
Every baller that can afford it they cop the best ride
For the power of the

Jay-Z & R Kelly in P*ssy


3CB said...

That reunion story is hilarious! Thanks for starting my morning with a smile :-) So how'd the girl react when she woke up next day? Though, if it's any consolation, if she was that far gone he probably wouldn't have enjoyed said nookie much... wouldn't it be like having an [extremely gorgeous] organic blow up doll? I'm just saying...

|d®| said...

He didn't even wanna tell me anything about the girl after the incident, so I don't know what happened with her. Knowing him tho, he probably didn't speak to her again.

Like an organic blow up doll? Nicely put. Nah, she wasn't too far gone. A little stumbling, a little slurring of the speech, but otherwise OK, the perfect state to really put it on him, he said.

KK said...

A clever person learns from his experience... the wise one learns from other's.
Like you, I've been lucky so far... but I've learnt it's not wise to push one's luck; so, I always either get a DD, plan on staying over or limit my drinking. The ish you risk is certainly not worth it.
As for the nookie... well, don't you just love to hate it. The numerous times I've slapped myself coz of nookie related stupidity are well... numerous. Pathetic

|d®| said...

Yup. Forget crack - nookie's the most addictive element on the planet, bar none.

gishungwa said...

the things we don't do for nookie and the froth doesnt help at all. thanks for the laugh but lesson learnt. If the .ke cops were that strict, there would be too many DUI esp payday friday.

|d®| said...

A lot of cops are cool - after all, they were ordinary citizens once - as long as people don't act up, starting silly fights over trivial stuff like 'You stepped on my white sneaks' or 'Why you dancing with my girl.'