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Laid back; chilled out.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


I was talking to shawty the other day about some situation that happened with some cat I know when this came up, and she admitted that though she hadn’t really thought about it before, I just might be right. I’ve seen too many examples of this to make it fictitious or worse, presumptuous, so I’d like to believe it's got some semblance of truth to it. You be the judge. Here it goes:

Women don’t feel obligated to share their money with their men.

Before I start getting hate mail about this, hear me out.

One of my friends is a good dude. Many years ago he was in the military, and was fortunate to finally be stationed stateside, after years of bouncing about in military bases all over the globe. He went out for a drink with his boys one day and met this one girl, and it was as close to love at first sight as it’d ever get. Quicker than you can say sacrebleu! they‘d moved in together, had a couple of kids and were as happily married as could be.

They both were barely out of their teens and dude, being in the military and all, was making much more money than she; she was a working college student, i.e. poor. Dude dedicated all his efforts into helping her pay for school, and in a few short years she was done. She found a good job with a young, up-and-coming firm and was on the fast track to success. Like most in the corporate world, she really had to put her time in, which meant she was pulling 70-hour weeks, and consequently spending a fortune on babysitters.

Meanwhile, dude’s mandatory tenure with the military had expired and he could’ve re-enlisted, but he chose to leave so he could spend more time with his family. He inevitably became a stay-at-home Dad and didn’t mind it at all at first, coz he’d hardly spent any extended periods of time with them while he was in the service. But a few months down the road, it suddenly hit him
[idiot] that he wasn’t making any money and hadn’t saved hardly any, since it had all gone towards his wife’s schooling.

So he got out there and tried to find a job. Having only graduated from high school and with no other credentials, he could only find one dead-end job after another, making peanuts. Meanwhile, his wife was quickly climbing the corporate ladder, and in a few short years was a director and making six figures. She was hardly ever home, and when she was home she was always working, and their relationship quickly deteriorated, and this is how it went down:

She’d come home and complain about everything, dude told me. He was only working part time and did all the cooking and cleaning, but she started complaining about his cooking. [Right, after years of him always doing the cooking] Suddenly the crib wasn’t clean enough, the kids had a rash, she was paying too much for the apartment, and on and on.

One day she came home and told him she’d bought a house. She hadn’t even talked to him about it. Barely containing his anger, he asked her why she hadn’t consulted him and she said, and I quote, that 'there wasn’t any need to consult him since he couldn’t have contributed financially anyway.' Youch. Speechless, he told her to go ahead and do what she wanted then. In a few months they moved in to a new house sprawled on a humongous, immaculately manicured lawn. And that was the beginning of their [real] tale of woe.

To spare you the sorry details, she bought whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and didn’t mention it to him or ask him anything about it. She made sure he deposited his entire check in their joint account, but she had an account on the side where she stacked up the bulk of her cheddar. They played so many silly games and she said so many scathing things, though he responded in kind, but soon he’d had it up to here with feeling emasculated and filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. No sooner had she gotten the papers than she went and cleaned out their joint account.
[Oh, hell naw! >d® would have to choke a b*tch!]

But my thing is this: He was all too willing to spend all his money on her when she needed it. But when the roles were reversed, she’d have none of that. Apparently what was his was theirs, but what was hers was hers! Good Lawd!

But then again, we men are oft conditioned, from an early age, to take care of our women. Like, I never have a problem footing the bill for my lady friends. There could be 3 or 4 of them, and I’d still want to. Matter of fact, I almost feel like I have to. But maybe that’s because my Dad and Brothers always exemplified that, and I picked up on it. Same as opening doors, pulling chairs, that kind of stuff.

But I must admit it feels good when a girl insists on paying for stuff. I wouldn’t expect her to, and I’d never ask her to, but it still feels good.

More to the point, when most men are suddenly in a position where they can’t pay for their lady friends’ stuff, it really sucks. It’s inexplicable, but there’s a certain sense of – I daresay – pride, in footing a lady friend’s tab. We know that the ladies are perfectly capable of paying for their own sh*t, but we still wanna get y'all that drink, ladies.

But women don’t seem to have this complex. They don’t feel obligated to pay their men’s bills/tabs/whatever. As a matter of fact, if a dude confessed to a girl he was trying to holla at that he didn’t have any cheddar to foot the bill, that would be the beginning of the end. Of course not all girls are like that, I know, but show me one girl who will meet a raggedy-ass, broke-ass negro and fall in love with him right away, and I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. Either he's got to have a little cheddar at least, or he’s got to have some exceptional ability. And that’s just the way it is.

Sh*t, I wouldn’t mind it one bit if my girl made more money than I. As long as she doesn’t get on a financial power trip, that is. I'll babysit all day! Nah, just playing - I'd go insane from boredom, no doubt.

Make that cheddar, ladies. And share it with your men, why dontcha. Coz Lord knows we love spending it on you!


Hip-Hop quote of the day

...N*gga had very bad credit, you helped me lease that whip
You helped me get the keys to that V dot 6
We was so happy poor but when we got rich
That's when our signals got crossed, and we got flipped..."

Jay-Z in Song Cry


KK said...

These are sad realities we live in... But realities all the same. Yes! It does feel good when a lady offers.... Heck, i've spent my last cent on a girl before n I know I ain't the first. And yet I knew even then that were the situations reversed she'd be hard put to do the same.

Anonymous said...

thats a very sad storo my friend...we need to share too and not use jamaaz!

I owe you a drink... oh and wil pay for it! :)


|d®| said...

>KK: You got that right - we can blow house-notes just to cater to the ladies. And then we'd do it all over again!

>Farmgal: Wsup girl. You know I'll claim that drink one [hopefully soon] day, right?

Anonymous said...

It is sad that this does happen. I wish that women stood by their men as much as their men stand by them, financially. Apparently, as soon as women get more money than the men- they fall out of love with them. Women, this has got to change!!!
Hun,at least i now know what would happen to me if i cleaned out our joint accounts..........lol!

|d®| said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
|d®| said...

Joint account[s]? This is news to me; where my ATM cards at then? That Mazda needs a substantial down-payment! lol!

3CB said...

first, you're right. as a girl, i don't feel like i HAVE to share my loot with my man. I enjoy doing it, and a lot of times i do, but it's not ati reflex the way it is with guys taking care of girls. if anything, i feel [despite my independence and all that jazz] that my man should take care of me.

i think this is just down to murphy hun. there's maybe a handful of girls out there who gladly pay the tab, but they mostly end up with guys who use them and toss them. i know that first hand, and more than once, so i'm much more wary now :)

Your boy's chick was a loser plain and simple, no two ways about it. sadly a lot of women are.

as my small way of fixing the world, if you're ever in my part of town, lunch is on me, yeah?

|d®| said...

Yeah, that chick was trippin', to say the least. Matter of fact, I think he's got zen-like patience to have toughened it out as long as he did - 13 years.

It's amazing, tho men & women are [supposedly] of the same species, how different they are. I think women are more like Homo sapiens 2.0. lol!

cloudvillian™ said...

Brilliant piece! and the Jigga tracks on point. Truth is that men's kindness is often taken as weakness by most women. All I know is that whichever woman I decide to marry, we're drawing up a bulletproof pre-nup!

|d®| said...

Like my boy say, the woman [or man] wouldn't be too thrilled about the pre-nup, & would probably say that it shouldn't be about the money, but about love and trust.

To which you should respond that since it isn't about the money, then they should go ahead and sign the pre-nup no problem.

The Dishwasher said...

Lol, your boy got played. Paying for a tab is one thing. Kool, I'll wine dine, take a girl out, show her the world and what not but, to pay for her bills especially school, house, car or anything like that. PLEASE GIRL U ON YOUR OWN. LOL, I AINT NO FOOL

|d®| said...

The ladies, though, aren't to be underestimated. They have some very... er, persuasive techniques of getting what they want.

But if you can resist it, show me how. lol!

Disco Muthenya said...

someone once told me not to start something i couldnt finish.those words have never been truer that in this your story.both of the started ish they couldnt finish, him by zoeshaing her and her by zoeaing then acting a fool.
sometimes we just enjoy the ride while it lasts then get off when it stops being fun.sometimes were just plain evil and dumb as well coz thats how you lose a decent man.
your boy saw dalili ya mvua but refused to plan or adapt or at least get an umbrella he got trapped in a bad situation under the illusion that "it'll get better", sound familiar?

D'moiselle said...

this story is so familiar, except that my ex was the chic in this story... sad but true...
currently hanging out with a 'broke-ass' dude and loving it... they are so much simpler, i almost wish he never gets wealthy...

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Anonymous said...

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