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Laid back; chilled out.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

INALIENABLE TRUTHS

There’s nothing like a lazy weekend to make one think about stuff, life in general. I particularly didn’t do too much this weekend, partly because I was – and still am – a little under the weather [flu] and partly because I chose not to do anything. I’m usually restless all the time but I’m trying to get some decent shuteye while I can. I don’t know if this is true for y’all but sleep for me is cumulative, as in I can sleep all day and night one day and be awake all of the following day and night. Weird but true.

In any case, I was thinking a lot about the boy-meets-girl-likes-girl-she-likes-him-back thing and these are some of the things that stood out for me. Feel free to agree/disagree with any of them.

- Every man fancies himself a player [few really are]

- A true player doesn’t brag about his exploits.

- A lot of girls are fine but they don’t know it.

- [I said this once before] Even though a girl might smile at you she really might hate your guts.

- A lot of women are players. They do a much better job at it too.

- Women think about sex just as much as men do, if not more so.

- Women have the uncanny ability to remember things in explicit detail. Ask your girl what you were wearing the night you first met – she’ll remember.

- Fellas, think about it: The average girl gets hit on at least a couple of times a day, every day. Please upgrade your pick-up lines. Gone are the days of lines like: You must have a mirror in your pants coz I see me in ‘em. Be original. Please.

- Once a man is in a woman’s heart other men, to her, seem bland in comparison. Not so for men. A dude can penda a girl to death but will still be momentarily sidetracked by some foxy feline. It doesn’t mean he likes his girl any less though. [F_ed up but true]

- A dude that compliments a girl all the time is full of $hit. Believe that ladies.

- It’s really all about the nookie for us. At least 98% of the time.

- You never really know someone until you live with them for about a week.

- Men tell the most lies. Women tell the biggest lies. Typical male lie: I was over at my boy’s house. Typical female lie: of all the people I’ve been with you’re the biggest.

- A woman knows that she digs a dude from the first moment. A dude might not think about it right away but after some time [or after a couple of beers] he'll be like: Hmm, she’s kinda hot.

- Beauty and brains seldom occupy the same space at the same time. There’s the occasional exception though. This goes both ways, male or female.

- You almost always meet a guy/girl’s representative when you first meet them, not their true self.

- No one's unattainable. Ask my boy Danc. [Wsup playa]

- If you can make her laugh you’re halfway there.

- A woman doesn’t want a guy no one else wants. That’s why girls are hopelessly attracted to bad boys and playas.

- A woman never forgets. Never. Did I say never?

- You’re only as faithful as your options. Otherwise the moment someone better comes along you’re out of the current relationship in a quick minute.

- [This one I’ve never understood, but it’s true. From my experience anyway] The more you don’t pay a girl no mind the more she seems to like you. Correct me if I’m wrong.

- If you’re like myself who’s blessed/cursed with somewhat youthful looks and who always seems to attract the young’ns, always ask the other person’s age before doing anything ‘incriminating.’ Ask for ID if you have to. Trust me on this one.

- Talk to your girl. I mean, really talk to your girl. It can mean the difference between a good or bad relationship.

- This whole boy/girl thing is not that serious. It really isn’t. Relax. If it happens, it happens; if it don’t, it don’t. Chill the f_*k out.

- Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Quit thinking about talking to that girl in the corner. Go ahead and do it. What’s the worst that could happen? Act like Chris Brown and ask her if her man’s on the floor and if he ain’t to let you know. If she’s not feeling you I’m sure you’ll know in a quick minute.

- Lots of people say they’re happily single but that’s a bunch of bull. Man isn’t a solitary animal.

- A guy always exaggerates the number of chics he’s been with. A woman always understates it.

Dang, it seems like I bit off more than I can chew with this post; I can go on and on with this. Help me out here.

28 comments:

Prousette said...

Hi >d first time here melikes!!
A lot of girls are fine but don't know it VERY TRUE
Even though a girl might smile at you she really might hate your guts. TRUE it is the better of the options do not ask what the other one is
Women think about sex just as much as men do, if not more so.how did anyone find this out? - Women have the uncanny ability to remember things in explicit detail. elephants have long memories so do we Please upgrade your pick-up lines. AMEN Men tell the most lies. Women tell the biggest lies. Is this a lie too?

Movie Buff said...

I feel like the "Happily single" bit was a stab at me.... he he he.... lakini you are allowed your opinion.

But this...... this was good.... There is nothing like a chilled out weekend to just think and then state what is obvious, that to other people... for whatever reason just isn't.

Acolyte said...

Hey!loving the post coz most of it is true.Things between men and women are so complicated!You should add that few women can resist the bbd (bigger better deal) that is if a guy who is better looking then you.smarter,funnier,richer etc comes by; you're toast!

>d® said...

>Prousette: Thanks for checking me out. Ha ha, no, that wasn't a lie!

>Buff: I wasn't taking a stab at you, LOL. Hey, I'm like you in that department, sort of.

>Aco: Nothing but truth - there's always some other dude out there who looks better, got more kake & who can lay the pipe better. That's why I'm always trying to step my game up!

V^6 said...

Nail on the Head BOY
"You never really know someone until you live with them for about a week.""Men tell the most lies. Women tell the biggest lies."
i'm back,KOKIR

mutumia said...

Women have the uncanny ability to remember things in explicit detail. True: I can repeat convos almost verbatim!- lakini of course the jamaa has to be the "right one"!

Once a man is in a woman’s heart other men, to her, seem bland in comparison.Or worse- they are really, really OK but "they don't smile like him!"

"A woman knows that she digs a dude from the first moment".- not so much for me-- I know within 5 seconds that I will NOT sleep with you. The others go into a pool of "We'll see" and then you cull and winnow that list.

Co-signing w/ you on the "representative" - so true. I prefer to look at it as "putting your best foot forward" though.

Beauty and brains seldom occupy the same space at the same time- hmmmmm I don't know 'bout this being an exception... they aren't on the market long though so I guess your point still holds:)

lastly- toboa that storo of when you almost inadvertently became the eRruh (R kelly)...

>d® said...

>V^6: Welcome back dawg. Your input's always appreciated.

>Mutumia: For real tho there do exist some people that are both fine and brainy. They're few and far between tho, I agree.

Thanks for your input, as always.

Maybe one day I can tell you about my little inadvertent almost-R.Kelly-like incident! Not pretty.

Poi said...

Great read!

"If you can make her laugh you’re halfway there." -totally agreeing with this

Anonymous said...

Hey first time here....but i penda kabisa........enjoyed that post kabisa very very true. Will be back, keep it up.

V^6 said...

ever thought of having an online chat- Do the talking real time

Anonymous said...

The one about living with someone, I think you should try a couple of months then you will "REALLY" know them and it is the opposite of eating brittanicas with hot tea on a cold morning!
I really want to hear about your "DA R", Kelly that is, moment!
I agree... this boy/girl thing is not that complicated and I'm one of those people who need to chill the f*k out!
Lastly, I'm fine and I know it! I'm just tired of men trying to tell me that I'm not! LOL! CK!

KenyanMusings said...

Beauty and brains seldom occupy the same space at the same time. There’s the occasional exception though. This goes both ways, male or female....I beg to differ B, I beg to differ!

-This one I’ve never understood, but it’s true. From my experience anyway] The more you don’t pay a girl no mind the more she seems to like you. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Trrue true. Too true!!! I really can tell if I will sleep with a guy in 5 seconds of meeting him!
Nicey

Shiroh said...

I am laughing at your list. You are a playa; don't say no.Men jus don't understand that not talking to their women is detrimental to their relationship.

>d® said...

>Poi: If a dude gives you a corny line that makes you laugh, does that count?

>Anonymous: Thanks for checking me out

>V^6: Online chat? That probably wouldn't work. I'm seldom online for a long time; mostly on and off in quick succession.

>CK: I agree; the more time spent with the other party under the same roof the better. No one can be pretentious for months on end without slipping up at least once.

>KenyanMusings: Yeah, I guess y'all have the luxury of knowing from the get-go. Lucky. For us it's 50-50 at best; more like 30-70 the average day!

>Shiroh: Yeah, good conversation is essential, faw shaw. About the playa bit, no.

Farmgal said...

Nice post
The only time being single can be happy is when you have just broken up with a rubbish boy/girlfriend.

>d® said...

>Farmgal: Wsup girl. I completely concur.

Poi said...

Oh hell no!

>d® said...

>Poi: So I guess I misinterpreted the reaction from all those times I intentionally unleashed a corny line that elicited laughter, huh? Damn!

Shaw said...

>d! Loving everything,especialy the incarceration(s).holla atcha girl! Shawnna.

>d® said...

>Shaw: Wsup girl. Thanks for checking in. Gotta let it do what it do baby, like Ray say! I'll holla.

Brother Jero (BJ) said...

Mmh I see you are finally figuring all this out.. true on most of these.

The key is just be bad, chics dig that, tough to expalin but always works.

Well done buddy.

>d® said...

>BJ: I guess you're right. Good guys really do finish last, huh?

Guessaurus said...

I am late and grudgingly admit this, but hey, I am allowed. If I am not, shame, I will still be late anyway.

I could dissect this post but I would rather just pick and choose...

I agree:

Beauty and Brains (and boobs and butt and amBition) do exist in the same Body, and yes, we are still out here. We are a threat to MANkind, so they run far - or the REAL ones take time out to find us.

Women do remember everything they need to remember, and forget everything they need not remember.

We do smile at dudes that we hate, I am testament to that.

We think about sex as much as you guys, only we dont hanya it from dudes ovyo ovyo - we are choosy - you are horny. Deal with it.

Chances of you finding out you are being played are a whole lot less than your chick finding out you are cheating. We do know how to 'manoeuvre' our biz more than you lot.

That 'player' biz just hits a flat note if you hit the wrong gal. Its rather sad, I admit.

A lot of girls define their 'fine-ness' by the guys they attract; rather sad also

Pick-up lines fall flat on their faces; engage me in conversation and I might actually find out something I like about you - that 'fast food' approach died with... er.. hmm.. fast food. LOL

(OK I dissect your post, give me a minute)

Once truly in Love, other guys pale in comparison. It doesnt matter whatever you are, a woman in love gonna do anything (ok, I am imitating some other song oriented dude, Nick,..)

A woman will not tire of hearing how gorgeous, loved, fabulous she is - but she will def tell if its just for show. Dont go down there if your heart (and tongue) arent in it :)

A kiss does tell of the Chemistry - a dude who cant kiss you crazy once, twice, thrice needs to find the police. they are the only ones can save his ass from incarceration

We always send our rep first time round, who suss's you out, finds whether you are shite (sorry) or right and goes ahead and gives us the rundown. see above paragraph

Being funny helps, but it aint the be all and end all. Chemistry, baby, chemistry...

No one is unattainable; most 'unattainable' girls are looking for the 'simplest' pleasures. You just have to connect. I would know:(

Communication is the key. I would never date anyone, even the president of (insert the highest post in your books) if I couldnt sit down and talk to him about anything from anal sex to zzzz (sleep) so I guess Joji Kichaka (as I have heard him named to my utter mirth)is out.. tihihi

I have been happily single, just as long as I dont go out and meet guys who think that I should be married to them (it doesnt help that every man I meet thinks I should be happily theirs, if I aint no one elses, do we always have to have a 'status' relationshipwise) I 'choose' to be single coz, and not gloating, I can be in a relationship in a phonecall - I just like to make my choices in my own time.

Did I wrongly say that I wasnt gonna dissect your post?
(My favourite line:) I LIED

If a woman is sitting or standing or dancing in a corner on her own, go and talk to her. With your head on your shoulders goddamnit, not with your dick. Like I told a friend sometime back,approach her like a human being, not a 'female' - speak to her, ask her for a dance. Respect her 'not interested' say please and thank you, dont take it like you are entitled to ABC - us women hate being taken for 'up for it' while we only came out to listen to music and hang out, and making a friend is much more important than shagging a stranger. Do the math.

Shags: That is a grenade(man=stud, woman=virgin) - dont pull the trigger on who has slept with how many. We all know we are not virgins - this is a manhole (seriously not intending to pun,) but its going down, all the way (please, decency (wrong paragraph I am aware ), stop digging into this minefield manhole virginity thingy.
(Walks away thinking the cold weather is seriously making camp in brain)

>d® said...

"Most 'unattainable' girls are looking for the 'simplest' pleasures," ay? Hmm, you might have something there.

Oh, and thanks for not dissecting my post!

All valid points, thanks. Watch out for the cold front now!

gishungwa said...

Totally i with mutumia on the 5 seconds, tru dat on you never really know someone until you live with them for about a week." guess that is for sure on.
GReat post

Larry said...

Sometimes I lay around and wonder why certain people keep from getting married. Is it that they really are that scared to find a mate or truly have not looked that hard. Just like playing mind games to attract women is a burning question on my mind... okay, I will go search for the answer now.
playing mind games to attract women

Tom said...

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seduce women now how to read minds how to attract

Tom said...

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seduce and attract women