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Laid back; chilled out.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Previously on Man in The Middle:
Suddenly, through the sleepy reverie, he heard the teacher yelling, and I quote:
"Francis! Come up to the board and write out this equation!"

And now for the continuation, and conclusion, of The Man in The Middle:


He instantly snapped wide awake, not quite believing this was happening. Why now? What are the chances of that, having to go up to the board while sporting a woody?

"Are you deaf?! Come up here to the blackboard!" the teacher snapped.

Teachers, Kenya's teachers specifically, can be so obnoxious, the fact that my parents were both teachers notwithstanding. How's she gonna ask Francis if he was deaf? How rude, for lack of a better word!

And why did my Std. 6 English teacher have to be so condescending when I once was like:
"Exkiuse me ticha. Can I go to the toilet?" [I really needed to go too, bad.]
"It's lavatory, not toilet," he said. "And I don't know whether you CAN, but you MAY."

WTF? I glared at him for a few seconds then made for the door. How he gonna do me like that?! My English was jacked up; that's why I was taking the class, black!

Anyway, back to the story.

Frantically, Francis tried to mentally force The Man in The Middle to ease up. I could literally see the concentration on his face, since my desk was directly across from his. That, apparently, didn't work. It didn't help much either that the teacher was fine. She was a substitute or more precisely, a U.T. fresh out of KTTC, testing out her teaching wings in Kavau on Form Ones. Her nickname was Cloudess, a tall, willowy, light-skinned young thang. She always walked - no, strutted - around with her chin held high, hence the name Cloudess, I figured. Many a young man in Kavau no doubt worshiped the ground she catwalked on. Though I'd always thought she was a b*tch, like every other hormone-crazed dude in the school I wanted her.

Resigned to his fate, Francis tucked The Man down his shorts best he could and got up. No sooner had he gotten up than subdued laughter rippled through the class, cats elbowing each other and sh*t, pointing and muttering in Francis' direction. Cloudess, at first, didn't know why we'd all snickered but eventually she did - as he stood up there reaching out for the chalk from her hand her gaze went Southward and she visibly flushed coz yo, there was no mistaking the outline of his member against the school's standard-issue shorts!

Francis was mortified as he stood there, the piece of chalk dangling from his fingers like an unfiltered cigarette, and he gave an almost imperceptible shrug like: What can I do. He was looking all crestfallen just standing there and Cloudess couldn't tear her eyes away from Francis' midsection.... but suddenly she did, and was furious!

"Go to the Deputy's office! Right now!" she bellowed. "I shall not have such things going on in my classroom! GO!!"
Francis obliged and waddled out of the classroom feeling - and looking - like a tripod; either that or one of those things from War of The Worlds. We watched his awkward progress out the door with undisguised amusement, and it took Cloudess more than a few minutes to get the class back in order.

Word on the street is that Francis went to the Deputy's Headmaster's Office and explained why he'd been sent there. Apparently the Dep. laughed long and hard - no pun intended - and let Francis go free without any punishment.

So, you see, The Man in The Middle is a force to be reckoned with, a vagabond with no apparent loyalty, even to the body he's attached to. And you know what, consider that there the thesis statement for the next post; I guess I'll have to stretch this series out.


KK said...

LOL.... Dude, this storo is too funny. I too went to Kavau and I kumbuka Cloudess. She featured in many a fantasy of mine those first few years before she got married and moved away.

Kenya's Dopest Chic said...

Haha... i with the Headmaster we just cant control some things...atleast he was healthy cuz there ase some middle men that died and never to ressurect...aa good way to look at it!

As for those female student teachers...i hated them! Besides misgrading my well written essay, attention we girls used to take for granted, abruptly shifted to her boobs for the semester!! and she knew it too!!arghhhhh

|d®| said...

>KK: What, u Kavau too? Good deal! Glad she didn't get married to some other teacher there, like Kabebe & Gathanwa did. Or did she?

>KD: Ha ha! Teacher getting all the shine, huh? Funny stuff!
Died & never to resurrect? Youch.
For us it is, for the most part, mental. Gotta have that swag while getting strapped for battle; gotta feel like The Rock, ready to wreck sh*t up. Not literally, of course.
You feel me tho?

Anonymous said...

dude, this story is funeee! the story of every boy's life. i admit i might have had some difficulties but Y fronts saved me from some embarrassing situations. body parts refusing to take commands of "down boy down!"

|d®| said...

Yup, dude doesn't listen. Plus, as it was so eloquently put one time, Ana jicho moja. lol!

[That song still cracks me up]