About Me

My photo
Laid back; chilled out.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Chris Rock, in the 'Never Scared' stand-up, I believe, while pointing to some white dude in the audience said, and I'm paraphrasing, that:
It's so good to be white you wouldn't trade places with me - and I'm rich!

Conversely, I wouldn't wanna be any other race; I'm glad I'm black, all those questionable traffic tickets notwithstanding. [Just got another this evening. Sucks matako, as CK says.] I'm quite comfortable in my dark skin, thank you very much.

Sometimes tho, black people drive me crazy. Scratch that - n*ggas drive me crazy. Allow me to extrapolate, as D would probably say.

I was stuck in the usual evening gridlock a few weekends ago, music bumpin', windows down, when I heard the unmistakable whistle of a blowoff valve. That sound, to me, is as irresistible as a mating call, so I quickly looked around and saw this gorgeous, pristine Mark IV Supra to my left. I mean, this machine was a thing of beauty. In it were this one young couple, oblivious to my gawking, until I leaned out and was like: Hey, nice car! They both grinned, looking genuinely pleased, and mouthed Thanks. Then the lights turned green and the Supra took off like it had been fired from a cannon. I didn't even try and keep up - no chance.

That's what I'm sayin' - I always give props where props is due. I'm quick to compliment, and genuinely so. [I get all bashful when I'm the recipient tho] Caucasians seem more ready to express unabashed admiration than we do. Like, my boy got this brand-spanking-new Mustang GT, back when the new bodystyle came out, and I begged him to let me drive it. He finally relented and let me have it for a day [while he was thrashing my aged Lancer] and I eventually had to gas it up before I took it back. At the pump, these two white dudes came over and unashamedly complimented me on the car, one going so far as to look at its undercarriage. [Of course I was frontin' like the Mustang was mine - lol!] Though there were all these black dudes around, none came thru or said anything, but there was no disguising the fact that they were all gawking at the GT.

You're probably saying: they probably don't care about cars that much. That might be true, but it's happened too many times for it to be coincidence. Like, I was once cruising thru some residential area when a bunch of white teenage kids on bikes suddenly swarmed the car, both sides, and one of them yelled out: Nice car, man! On the other hand, I've also been accosted by another group of youths, this time black, one of whom belligerently scowled and said: What the f*ck are you looking at? [That's when I stopped the car, grabbed the bat and stepped out and they all cycled off. Bunch of p*ssies. Can't believe some of the sh*t I used to do] Even the cop who ticketed me today said he liked the car; dude even stroked the left quarter panel! Of course he was a white-boy, needless to say.

I could even be at a repair shop, most recently at NTB for wheel balancing. The usual dour black dude doesn't even smile at me, but this time around the young white dude was like:
This is a really nice car man.


Don't get me wrong - I'm never fishing for compliments. I don't even handle them that well. All I'm saying is that if something or someone deserves praise, give it freely, black people. Not to say we need to drown others in flattery - hell to the no. Some heads just get even more 'swole' whenever they get props, so leave those alone. Don't be like Webbie and overdo it, like he did in his 'Independent' joint. [To which CK said: Webbie, get off that girl's d*ck! That's wrong on so many levels!]

It's good to build others up. Like, when lil' cuz misses that first free-throw I'm like DJ Khaled, yelling out to him:
You the best!
And he makes the 2nd, pretty much always.

Fellas, compliment your women - but genuinely so. If you think she looks smashing today, tell her so. [Just don't use 'today' - it'll open a can of worms] Do not be afraid to tell your girl you think she's hot, if she IS hot, that is. It'll make all the difference.

Most importantly though, talk to your girl. I cannot stress this enough - f*ckin' talk to your girl. Ladies, the flip-side. Communication is everything.

Speaking of, gotta go communicate. With the bed, that is. Funny how much better it looks after a 12-hour workday.


Anonymous said...

Extrapolate??? Damn, u just killed my rep w/ one word...on the real tho...did u find Jesus w/ that last ticket? Up here givin advice about communicatin n wat not...man, i'm over that Dr. Phil mess, and onto the theories according to ma man, Ali G. You tube it.

Word on the props tho...give it when its due, and say thank you when it's directed towards you.

Here's ur bit of advice for the day: Stop saying "You the best"...that's a NO!

p.s. Word of the month: Affliction--a la The Brothers (free from affliction)

|d®| said...

Dr. Phil? Hardly. You know I like, as my boy puts it, your gift of gab. I likes that. I think you would convince anyone to do anything. Yours truly exempted, of course.

Affliction, huh? Oh so true. It's the only way to describe my current sprung-ness.

You think 'You the best' is bad? Hardly. Wait till you hear my parting ritual, thanks to Shawty Lo:
"See You Later!" [Can't help adding:
"Big up... to all my haters!"]

Anonymous said...

Exempted? Ya right...tho there's some truth to it...namely, ur "sprung"ness item of the year is proving more effective than my charms. Es ok (insert: Tony Montana) As per my greetings and parting rituals, Ali G's "'ere me now", "wagwan", "aiiiiii" and "bigupsyaself".

|d®| said...

More effective than your charms? Is that even possible? Or did you already forget you are, and I quote, my shawty, tenderoni, my booty-call when I'm horny?

'Wagwan'? 'Aiiiii'? Wow. Let me guess - next will be 'YAAHH TRICK, YAAHH!!'? I kid, I kid.